ADHD does this funny thing – it makes me think that I don’t like things that I DO like.
I like them, it’s just that impatience makes it hard to land long enough for me to remember what I like, sometimes. Does this mean that I don’t know what I like? Nah. I just forget – go figure.
Cooking is a perfect example. For a few years now I’ve been railing about how I hate cooking. Well, it’s just not true. Was I lying? Nope, I’m a very honest person. But I was honestly overwhelmed by the details of daily living and when I’m overwhelmed and my brain is moving fast, my patience only wears even thinner than usual and voila: I hated cooking.
This happens to me all the time – I just get bored or impatient with something I normally like, and then I avoid it and complain about it, and how much I don’t like it.
My heart was in a heavy space last night. And I knew I had a lot to do. I had to make some decisions – I decided that I would focus on just one set of things – all things kitchen – and let the rest of the house stay messy, and just let go of my worry about the sewing I need to do before the weekend.
Funny thing, once I got started, and just focused on cleaning the dishes, and then the countertops, and then preparing food for the week…I started to smile. My heart was happy. I wasn’t cranky anymore. I did still think about the other things I needed to do, but I wasn’t as worried about it.
I announced to my husband “you won’t believe this, but your wife, who hates cooking, LIKES cooking” and he said “yeah, when there’s no pressure involved, it’s more fun”. He is right – he used to work in restaurants, he knows how this works.
Anyway…while I hate how often I have to remind myself that daily living tasks can be enjoyable when you can manage to focus on just one thing, I still like it that it’s true. I found a little peace for a couple hours, just puttering around my kitchen.
More proof that starting is often the hardest part.