What’s that quote? “Be the change you wish to see…”?
Ah, Googled it, it’s Gandhi, “Be the change you wish to see in the world.”
Well it’s something I genuinely attempt to do on a daily basis, especially in relation to my ADHD. I actively work toward being as functional and stress-free as possible. I can make that choice for myself, and so I have. But that doesn’t mean that everyone else in my life is on the same schedule that I am, and it actually doesn’t even mean that they have an interest in the strategies that I’m interested in trying.
My 12-yr-old has plenty of drawer space in her bedroom, for her clothing. My 12-yr-old (who yes, has ADHD) is currently insisting that there is not enough drawer space in the bedroom. M’kay. Upon inspection, it’s pretty clear that they IS enough room. The problem is that she doesn’t use it. Everything is dumped in a pile, on the two drawers that are hanging open, three drawers are…totally empty. Now, I don’t want to be the pot calling the kettle black here – my clothing is never organized either, however, I also spend a lot of time doing other chores around my house and contribute to the overall management of my household. I’ve chosen to prioritize care of community areas, over care of my bedroom. (Adequately rationalized? Yes, I think so. Ha…) ]
Now then, there’s not a lot that this kid needs to manage aside from their room, lol. We aren’t sticklers about people’s drawers…I hadn’t brought it up in a while…but if you’re going to complain about not having enough room, you’d better make sure that you don’t have three empty drawers before you say something to your stepmother about it. So here’s the stepmother’s plan…I’m not actually going to lecture anybody about their drawers. As requested, I’m procuring a used dresser that said 12-yr-old can paint in the colors of her room, to put the clothing into. 12-yr-old can sort the clothes and put them into the drawers, where I’m sure they’ll say, for about three days.
THIS IS WHERE I WIN, MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
This is where I will finally say “so let’s review this whole not-enough-drawers thing”. Because sometimes it’s better to let the point prove itself. Before making the mountains and molehills.
There was a system – the system worked. But in order for a system to continue working, the user has to continue using it.
You can lead a 12-yr-old to drawers, but you cannot make them use them. Well, I mean I CAN, but I like to pick my battles. But if I had the time, I would LOVE to have time to put my clothes away. (Said my married-with-kids self to my sloppy-single self who never put clothing away.)
Then there’s the house calendar. I’ve created a calendar system for the household. Theoretically, I think my husband thinks this is a good idea, god-bless-im. But convincing him to actually write things on it is another story. I’m honestly stumped on this one. Obviously when you live with other people you have to respect their personhood and not be an asshole about things like calendars. Sigh. Work-in-progress. Knowing what’s going on in my household really helps to reduce my stress though, which is why this is important to me. Surprises exacerbate my stress. I shall continue my campaign for calendar usage. The kids write things on it, I especially like it when they write things like “end of week”.
It’s challenging to work for change but give up control. At the same time.