Lest it seem that I’ve become bored with writing about the topic of ADHD, don’t you worry, I’ve got plenty more ADHDysfunction to write about. In fact, just this week I had a new one pop up – thanks to Vyvanse, and its magical, motivating powers.
You see, I’m so motivated – though not to an inappropriate degree – that I have to make a plan for myself in terms of what I spend doing, so that I don’t do TOO MUCH. Yeah, I know, big whoop, right? But it can get exhausting when you “see” everything that needs to be done and you seem to have the energy to do it…nope, can’t just do that indefinitely. So…I’m going to budget my time out – otherwise, the “special projects” and the “daily rituals” could easily subsume me.
Often, the things I need to do aren’t “big” things so it’s easy to underestimate the time it takes to do them and the energy expended. For example…if I happen to walk by and notice that the dogs’ water bowl is nearing empty. I need to pick it up and go to the kitchen sink and fill it and walk it back out to the livingroom and put it down. Now…this seems like a small thing, but it’s still a thing and it still takes energy. It’s not something I can come back to later – because I know I have ADHD and if I don’t do things when I “see” them, I might not “see” them again for an unknown amount of time. Can’t let that happen with the water bowl – and there will always be “water bowl” issues.
This is why I need to write or diagram this kind of stuff – I need a reminder that each day, there are certain “dog bowl” issues. I don’t necessarily need a set time and routine for all of them, and honestly, some of them can’t be accounted for that way anyway. But I need to remind myself of their existence, in order to schedule the “special projects”…projects that I DO need a schedule for. And I need to be able to schedule realistically. That’s the big, important point here. Motivation is only beneficial if it remains positive and it’s not positive if it’s driving you into the ground.
And the baths that I need a schedule for. And the sometimes doing nothing that I need a schedule and an intention for. And the staring at the sky that I need to allow to occur at random but seemingly perfect moments.