Well hello there blog-world. Readers. Writers. Mental health blog-reading junkies.
I’m reporting today from “mentally altered” land. Where I’m pretty sure I’ve taken a slightly too high dose of the Abilify that I was prescribed yesterday. Geez, I’m med sensitive.
My first round of medical inquiries has basically come to an end, as of yesterday, after two months of data gathering and excruciating waiting. I have more issues that I want to dig into (what exactly ARE my hormones doing?!) but for now, one conclusion has been reached: Stress, for me, triggers a lot of weird shit. Weird mental health shit. Weird neurological symptoms. I basically have a set of highly odd migraine phenomena that are stress triggered, as well as what appear to be tiny seizures, that are also triggered by some psychiatric cause, most likely stress.
So of course…the neurologist referred me back to the psych prescriber. Whose first prescription for me was one that theoretically, I loved: EXERCISE. I love having a prescriber that understands that healthy habits are important, and can improve our mental and physical health. However, it was clear to me that she wasn’t understanding how BAD I was feeling, and have been feeling, for most of the past two months. I often appear “normal” when I’m at my worst. I could be shot through 80 times and be reluctant to ask for help, and compelled to just charge ahead. Well I was at my wits’ end here…and all I could do was cry. And I explained that I just couldn’t take it anymore. The mood swings, the anxiety, the depression, nope, couldn’t tolerate this level of feeling terrible, any more.
I told her that I would really LIKE to follow through on the exercise prescription, but that I will not be able to until my mood is more stable. I’ve fallen below that magic line where basic functioning just works and getting some exercise sounds like it might be fun.
Prescriber isn’t quite sure what’s up with my moods, exactly. Is it a mood disorder along the lines of cyclothymia? Is it a hormone issue like pre-menstrual dyphoric disorder? Is it a result of the toxic levels of stress that I live with on a daily basis, every single day? Is it a combo of these? I don’t know either right now. I just know that I can’t function consistently, and that’s just adding to the stress part, and the stress…is triggering the migraines and possible seizures. That cannot be allowed to continue. Prescriber summed it up as “mood disorder, unspecified”. Seems accurate enough, at the moment.
We needed to take a stab at breaking the cycle. So I’m trying a prescription for Abilify. We’ll see how it goes (at the moment I’m just really drowsy…which is annoying). I’m also making a plan for exercise, because I think that’s very important.
But the big lesson here, is about stress, and the degree to which your body and mind can be literally poisoned by it. My body is manifesting freaky health issues because of it – um, NO THANKS.