ADHD

ADHD and Big Black Holes

Hi everyone, I’m here, I just climbed out of a big, black hole. Not the big black hole of depression, no no, a big black hole where I’ve been working 7 days/week for the entire months of June. Only three more months to go of this particular brand of insanity! This is what happens when you build a business for yourself that only brings in income during the warm weather months. In a way, I guess this is my “tax season”. I used to work for a tax preparer and boy, were we busy from January to April every year. You know what I’m sayin’.

It’s also been a shifty time – shifty in that my household is shifting from being on a school year schedule to this summer insanity schedule and it’s taken everyone a little while to adjust. During the school year, I was spending 1-2 hours every day cleaning my house before going to work. With the two extra work days added on, I truly just can’t do it – and the rest of my family has needed to find a way to fill the void and get things done. I woke up to kids cleaning this morning…so that’s a good sign.

Long story short – I’m so exhausted. I get up, I go to work, I come home, I go to bed, I get up, I go to work, I go home, I go to bed. Somewhere in there is some random other stuff, but I definitely don’t have enough down time, and I won’t, for a while, so I’m just thinking about what to do about that. Besides win the lottery, so I don’t have to work.

I’m kinda bummed because I felt like I had a good little groove going there, and now I’m just cranky, moody, and unfocused again. There’s a point of “too much” that I reach in a situation like this where no matter how much meds I’m taking or of what variety, my brain is just overloaded. I’m super overloaded. I should have a cape, I’m that super.

We’ve also had a couple of deaths in the family in the past, say month, and that is, well, it’s death. Death makes us think and cry and get existential and maybe even ponder our mortality (I’m not really pondering my mortality as much as I’m just legitimately sad knowing I’m going too miss seeing these folks at the next family holiday). Family funerals also mean having to make decisions about how to engage or not engage with family members that I’m having challenging relationships with right now (but who I love too much to fully bitch about in my blog).

I guess everything I wrote can be summed up as “that’s life”. Sometimes life just gives you a little more than you feel like you can enthusiastically process at one time.

 

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2 thoughts on “ADHD and Big Black Holes

  1. I sure do hope you get to a point soon where you can do some of the things you enjoy. It sucks when life consumes every minute of your day and you go through the motions. I think the most inspiring thing I took from your post was that yes right now your life is giving you many challenges but you are doing them because you know they must be done. One day you will reflect on this when your kids are in a bind and you will be able to say,”Hey remember when…”

    I am proud of you lady. Sooner than you think it will slow down a bit.

    • I seem to have a reached a place of slightly less hurry and slightly more sanity. Just slightly. But even that slightest ray of light has illuminated the path to greater happiness 🙂

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