Adult ADHD

ADHD at the Can’t Spot Cantina

Some weeks you hit the sweet spot. You’re grooving, you’re on task, you’re everything you hoped you would be.

Other weeks, you hit the “can’t” spot. Today, I’m right outside of the door to the Can’t Spot Cantina and I’m pretty sure they have a seat saved for me at the bar.

I’m not having a bad week. Well now wait, maybe I am. I was already overwhelmed by work, kids, activities, finances…then I worked through the weekend, got little sleep, and ended up sick on Monday. A yucky, annoying head cold that totally laid me out on the couch on Monday, and dragged me to work on Tuesday. Basically, I woke up this morning, I didn’t feel awful, but I’m even more backlogged than I was, so my fuckit switch flipped and I’m eating a chocolate caramel candy bar and inventing cocktails in my head.

I suppose it’s also worth mentioning that I think I’m in the middle of the biggest life transition I’ve probably ever experienced. I feel like I’m a little young for a mid-life crisis, but I guess I’m getting close to 40, maybe that makes perfect sense. I think the most congealed statement I can make on that topic is that whatever I’m doing isn’t working. At all.

The one intact piece of my life – love – is not enough to pay the bills. It’s painful and strange to say that something so wonderful isn’t enough, but it’s true. I’m not referencing any one relationship or person in my life – I am just saying that I have a lot of great people in my life who love me, and who I love back, but aside from that, I feel like my life is falling apart, and for the first time in my life, I don’t know what to do about it. The worst part is that I can SEE it and I don’t feel like I can fix it. I do have faith that we will move past all of this…but in the meantime, I’m drinking a fantasy cocktail at the bar of the Can’t Spot Cantina, killing a little time and building up a little endurance before I dive back into reality.

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7 thoughts on “ADHD at the Can’t Spot Cantina

  1. Oh boy…although I don’t know the specifics, from what you have shared, I feel that I have SO been there. I reached a point in my life where I realized I couldn’t control everything and everyone around me, but OH MY GOSH I tried so hard before I accepted that. At some point I was SO worn down and tired and almost at a point of collapsing, and I kind of just stopped with a lot of stuff out of necessity. Instead of packing in a task every second of the day, I quit doing a lot of stuff and rested more — for me this all happened around 2008-2009. It was VERY uncomfortable at first. Our finances were in the toilet and it seemed that regardless of how much harder and more I worked, nothing improved. I had love but it was tainted by resentment and competitiveness and hurt. Anyway, I’m being general and vague, but really things are SO much better now. It’s been a process and I can’t say it was easy but worth going through to get to where I am now. Sending you peace, good thoughts, love, all that as you work through whatever it is you’re going through.

    • Well that’s good to hear – not because I would wish for anyone else to be stuck, but because it’s always nice to know that people have been through these types of things before, and that the other side of it all exists. (That working hard, only to have finances remain in the toilet thing is really hitting me hard right now…there are only 24 hours in a day!)

      It’s also funny how just getting things on paper can really let you air some stuff out and help you get past it. I had what I think is a really good revelation today, one that I will no doubt write more about…and one that I think might help me move forward. With a little thinking and planning.

  2. I’m with GriefHappens on just letting go of what you can. At one point in my life I was forced to do that because of a car accident (bad), but letting go of so much was good and I’ve tried to learn that lesson. My therapist says no one can “control”, only manage and influence. Glad you had a good revelation. It’s hard for us ADHDers to take things minute-by-minute and one day at a time, but sometimes that’s what you gotta do.

    • True words of wisdom you speak and in particular, I’m interested in what you said about the car accident. After my own temporary disability a handful of years ago, it’s really taken me YEARS to get myself back on track…I didn’t always handle the process incredibly well. It stinks to be slowed down in a way that you’re not used to. And nobody in my life was really able to say to me (because they had never been through it) “hey, everything is gonna be fine but it’s gonna take a while to adjust and to heal”. I mean we really didn’t know, because it was an unusual issue I was having. But it was real, and it had a big impact. And dammit…all disabilities or circumstances aside, none of us are perfect. We can only try our best. Which just bring us back to your comments being right on point 😉

    • Yeah, I’m having a hard time with minute by minute lately…everything feels too layered and I can’t prioritize because everything feels important…have to work on that I guess 🙂

  3. “Grief Happens” said it quite well (!), and I’m pretty sure I, too, have undone my attempts to control everything and/or everyone around me. Being a 50-year old female (I still go Ackkkk! inside ’cause ya still feel 40), I also relate to the hormone issues Katy occationally refers to in recent blogs so here goes: Sigh. Relative to the age thing, it gets better, Katy. “It” meaning the compelling obligation to be all things to all people. There is a freedom that evolves in a woman’s life around 40-ish…Mine has been evolvong sloooooowly, but in hindsight, for me, it has been all throughout the past 6 years. Remember the frustration you experienced with “folk-art-lady” who clearly had too much time on her hands compared to the rest of the world? Well, you put her in her place quite well in the blog, right? Right! Her behavior was rude. Was her email subject important in relation to the rest of your life—-heck, let’s narrow that down to JUST in relation to the rest of your emails?! My guess is that it was pretty looowwww. Sooooo, you treated it as such. She became offended. (HER problem–ding, ding, ding.) Why would she be so offended you are asking yourself, right?! Isn’t it OBVIOUS that the folk art subject is way low on the importance scale especially since all else seems to be crashing around me? Nope, not for folk art lady it doesn’t…maybe just maybe, she was taking the email like an old-fashioned letter?—I wrote you. You write me back. WAIT? What?!! You didn’t write me back!? Well, that is just rude! She didn’t write me back! How rude. I think I will tell Katy!

    So why folk-art lady has 1 email for every 75 that you have, she clearly doesn’t get the concept of email…or modern society….or its pace. She doesn’t get the concept of email and its social rules anymore than I do on how to reply to a blog without creating a whole ‘nother blog. Bottom line is: who cares?! REALLY, I’m serious. Is it REALLY important that folk-art lady get answered? Doubtful. O.K. is she your grandmother? That puts her email in a higher, separate category if so, right? Heck even if she is a cousin she stays at same number in line, right?

    So there. You win. You were right. We clap for you and hope that someday folk-art lady gets a clue, but then….ya know what? NO-O-O we DON’T CARE ’cause if she doesn’t know by now, chances are that she won’t….so then it all boils down to her folk-art style. Leave her be with those who enjoy folkart, Kingston Trio albums, squares, triangles and “together,” “perfect” people who put stuff in the county fair. They’ve got their own blogs, I’m certain of it.

    Meanwhile you have your spouse, family, careers, blogs and your ADD peeps. We’re all way cool, fun and damn it, we can muti-task in our own, little ADD way “because,” like you said, “3 projects are better than one!” Several weeks since your last blog, Katy, where are you? Your peeps need ya, Girl! Keep “airing stuff out” on paper…I mean a screen. Crap! I just GOT it! This is important! Katy has been sniped by folk-art Lady! I think she has? Has she? Really? ACKkkkkk. Can we start a “free Katy from the folk-art Lady” page? SOMEBODY, ANYBODY!!! Quick, start making a flag-pillow in case there is a randsom….or a wooden box with decorative, plain metal on the front that has little air-holes to hold potatoes or pies…..PLEASE Katy, we don’t want to see your “Missing” pic on the cover of America’s Most Wanted for County Fairs!

    • Omg, this response was so funny, thank you for that. I really appreciate your sober analysis of the interaction with folk-art lady. Man…I do really hate folk-art, LOL. BUT…I also totally get that it doesn’t matter what I think of it, just as it doesn’t really matter that folk-art lady hates me now. You’re right, we do all have to just choose our priorities and move on. I did take her comments a little bit to heart though…because if I’m running a business, I do need to think about how my responses or lack of response make people feel, and at least whether it’s good for business. I still haven’t responded to folk art lady though…I just had to let that one go. I hit the “reset” button on my relationship with my email load 🙂 Hitting that button has actually allowed me to be more responsive to it, and more, how shall I say it…efficient in how I manage it. I really got stuck for a while feeling like it owned me, and that mindset wasn’t helping me get my job done. I feel like I have more to say about that…fodder for blog posts.

      As for this almost 40 thing…you are right. I’m almost there. My friends who are a little older than me have warned me…one of them told me she had a case of “can’t give a shit”…haha…

      I have been missing for a few weeks because this month began my season of working seven days/week and it always starts off with a band because I’m solo-producing 10 events in June plus co-producing a multi-day festival…so I’ve been getting my butt kicked all over the place in a good way. But I’m really tired. I got so tired last week that I was really beyond being able to talk about it. Don’t worry, I’ll be back 🙂

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