Some weeks you hit the sweet spot. You’re grooving, you’re on task, you’re everything you hoped you would be.
Other weeks, you hit the “can’t” spot. Today, I’m right outside of the door to the Can’t Spot Cantina and I’m pretty sure they have a seat saved for me at the bar.
I’m not having a bad week. Well now wait, maybe I am. I was already overwhelmed by work, kids, activities, finances…then I worked through the weekend, got little sleep, and ended up sick on Monday. A yucky, annoying head cold that totally laid me out on the couch on Monday, and dragged me to work on Tuesday. Basically, I woke up this morning, I didn’t feel awful, but I’m even more backlogged than I was, so my fuckit switch flipped and I’m eating a chocolate caramel candy bar and inventing cocktails in my head.
I suppose it’s also worth mentioning that I think I’m in the middle of the biggest life transition I’ve probably ever experienced. I feel like I’m a little young for a mid-life crisis, but I guess I’m getting close to 40, maybe that makes perfect sense. I think the most congealed statement I can make on that topic is that whatever I’m doing isn’t working. At all.
The one intact piece of my life – love – is not enough to pay the bills. It’s painful and strange to say that something so wonderful isn’t enough, but it’s true. I’m not referencing any one relationship or person in my life – I am just saying that I have a lot of great people in my life who love me, and who I love back, but aside from that, I feel like my life is falling apart, and for the first time in my life, I don’t know what to do about it. The worst part is that I can SEE it and I don’t feel like I can fix it. I do have faith that we will move past all of this…but in the meantime, I’m drinking a fantasy cocktail at the bar of the Can’t Spot Cantina, killing a little time and building up a little endurance before I dive back into reality.