Oh this here, this is really funny. I think I found my sense of humor.
So I’ve got my calendar out and I’m doing this awesome thing where I’m starting to use my calendar in the way I’ve been musing about in my blog posts, you know, taking my responsibilities and breaking the pile into chunks so that I can do a little each day…
…yeah. So I take out a pencil and I’m being really focused and thoughtful about the whole thing…when I realize, I’m putting everything in tomorrow’s box. Everything. All of the things. ALL OF THEM. And I realize…this is what I always do. This is why I feel like a failure, every day of my life.
I do, I feel like a failure every day. And it used to motivate me to feel like I was failing because I’d be all “yeah well fuck it, I’ll just do more stuff and take on more stuff and YEAH” and keep going. These days, it just depresses me. I seriously need to knock it the fuck off!
Dammit, seriously! I need to stop terrorizing and validating myself with a giant list of shit!
So I did something radical. Radical in the “big change” sense, not the 1980’s sense. I started putting stuff in the day AFTER tomorrow too. In the interest of full disclosure, I then started writing this blog post because I started to freak out about going beyond the day after tomorrow. Because I also realized…I don’t like to push things off until “later” because I’m afraid I will never do them. I guess torturing myself instead was the only alternative I could fathom?
So I’m going to post this post, then I’m going to pick up the pencil, and I’m going to start putting things in little boxes again. Boxes that exist beyond tomorrow. If time exists as a continuum of some kind, I’m going to envision the “me” of “two weeks from now” (oh my gawd it’s painful to even think about that) thanking “me” of “right now” for doing this.
Right after I freak out thinking about how I suck at checking calendars, argggggggh…okay I’m done I’ll grab the pencil and get back to the task, I swear…