It was fun to go back and re-read my last post, from February. February. Back when I had a whole other life. A life that was living me – and riding me hard, and making me crazy – vs. ME living IT. And that’s not living.
Panic attacks at my desk? Hiding from the world? Stuffing my face (okay, that part was kind of awesome). I was basically crashing and burning. Then I put my friend’s “put peace first” suggestion into play and here’s what happened next:
- I quit two freelance gigs.
- I removed every extracurricular from my schedule. There weren’t many left, as I’d been culling them, selectively, anyway, but I completed the process.
- I started delegating some tasks to other people.
- I was given more hours at work – which was actually good because the financial stability was a true gift (and validated my decision to let the freelance stuff go).
- I embarked on a slow, and gradual stockpiling of the ingredients that I need in order for my creative business to continue growing.
- I started saying “no” a lot. A lot. It’s pretty great.
- I started taking more time to clean and organize my home and manage my household.
- I stopped working in the evenings and on weekends.
- I started tapering off of my anti-depressant with the assistance of my prescriber (I didn’t need the dose as high as it was…I’ll probably get into that in another post, but not right this minute).
- I got my hands on a new stimulant medication that is long-acting and really gradual, and altogether fabulous. Note to self: Blog post for later.
- I stopped taking phone calls from chaotic people. I stopped answering emails from them. I stopped answering Facebook messages from them. I stopped opening the door when they showed up at my house. Yes, they do, and yes…I did.
- That creepy feeling in my solar plexus that had taken up residence, is 98% gone.
- My smile has returned. My actual smile has been in remission for a few years. I actually developed frown lines. The smile is back. The weird mouth tension is gone.
- I feel less anxious.
- I like life again.
- I feel less trapped in my geography.
- I feel energized to be the person I really am.
- I feel truly hopeful for my future and for the future of my family again for the first time in years.
- I am confident about my professional options.
- I feel more connected to the people and animals around me.
- I really appreciate the good people in my life. And I’ve left some very bad people behind, where they belong.
- My physical home feels less chaotic.
- I’ve been cooking actual food.
- I say regular silent thanks for the things that I enjoy, however small.
I could analyze this but I think that these lists speak for themselves. Don’t let fear rule you. Put peace first in your life. Make it your highest priority.