I am naturally inclined, for reasons that may be ADHD-related, to be a night owl. I’ve worked, through medication and habit, to try to make myself slightly less of a night owl – I generally am able to get to bed before midnight, rather than my former 3am glory days – but having a family now really kind of screws this all up.
Why? Because late night is the only time I can eliminate distractions enough to really get anything done. So add my natural nighttime mental energy and my “omg I can only get things done at night when the kids/husband/animals are asleep” things together and here I am, yet again, at 1am, working full throttle on a world domination plan, basically.
It’s great, it’s work I’ve been needing to do but JESUS, this is keeping me totally out of synch with the regular Yankee schedule (at work by 8:30am at the latest). The past two nights I’ve really needed to get up early the next morning and nope – struggling to wake up because I was up late the night before, brain all abuzz, and the quiet of the house just waiting to be filled with my loud thoughts.
Tonight, what I tried to do was actually create an outline of my thoughts as they flew by, so that I can maybe let myself go to sleep, and then I can fill in the outline with meaty details in the morning. I think this idea isn’t half bad. We’ll see how this works out in the morning (after I drag myself out of bed, take my stimulant meds, maybe have a cup of weak green tea, and say a few Hail Mary’s).
It’s really not my fault that the nighttime is filled with awesome stuff. Stars. Darkness. Quiet. Temptation. Glitter. Loud thoughts. Snacks. Cozy heated blankets. Fun conversations online at night with friends that I didn’t have time to connect with during the day. (The online conversations are also important because they keep me sane, and connected, while I’m living in this place where I feel very geographically isolated.) At night, I love it when the big dog lays down to snooze, and her ear sticks up in the air and looks ridiculous, and I love it when the little dog finally gets sleepy and quits running around all over the house causing mischief. At night, I like to listen to BBC news on the radio and find out what’s going on in the world. I just like the sound of it half the time, even if I’m not listening to the content. When it’s warm, sometimes I go out for a ride on my bike in the middle of the night.
Hail Mary, full of grace.