Many of my friends are mid-menopause and one of them humorously refers to this as a case of “don’t give a shit”. I am not mid-menopause, yet I also do not seem able to swallow a shit sandwich.
I’ll illustrate…well…I mean I can’t really write about some of the douchebags in question…hmmmm. Okay…let’s pick one that I’m not sentimental about. And I’ll generalize a little. But I think you’ll see what I mean.
Let’s talk about “I’m the only one that’s allowed to ask questions here” guy. AKA “I’m insecure and can’t handle women pointing out potential shortcomings in my perfect logic guy”. AKA “I scream at people in meetings and talk to other adults like they are children” guy.
My reaction to said “winner” was to slam both hands down on the table and yell back “REALLY?! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! REALLY?!”. I then dismissed myself and as I was doing so, told him that his address of me was a COMPLETELY INSANE way to address fellow volunteers. I have since politely stepped down from that project. I was not asked to, and the committee chair’s response was “well, he was pretty out of line”. But when I am no longer able to engage in “the work” in a productive manner, I don’t think I’d be doing anyone favors to insist upon my further presence. When you commit to working with a group you have to accept a certain amount of quirk. In this case, I am very aware that I am not willing to “work with” an asshole that is wasting my time.
Now then, while I am an “ADHD American” I generally have pretty good skills of diplomacy. If anything, my ability to think quickly on my feet in certain kinds of situations has allowed me to skewer and deflate douchebags with verbal wit on many an occasion. I can’t say I’ve never told a motherf***er where to shove it. It’s just that recently, I seem to get to that point more quickly – but only in certain situations. You see my point of wondering: it doesn’t MATTER really, but I do wonder sometimes where that line between ADHD and personality lies.
I have a theory: I used to feel obligated to endure a certain amount of crap. I am so used to questioning my own reactivity that for a long time, I didn’t trust it. While I can’t go around telling people where to shove it all the time, perhaps I’ve gotten to a point where I am trusting what my gut is telling me now.
I think that’s healthy. I think that’s a good thing. And I think it’s actually going to help me pare down my obligations as I more honestly assess how I want to be spending my time.
That, my friends, is a gift in a crap package. And who gives a flying monkey about the package, you just tear that off and throw it away anyway….