That can of worms I just opened this week really makes me sad. But it’s true.
Jobs that ARE appropriate to my intellectual abilities make me uncomfortable. I would rather stuff envelopes for 5 hours than have to do a thinky-thinky job where I feel like I’m not doing anything because I’m not moving.
But then those jobs get boring. Meh, go figure.
This becomes very interesting when you think about what kids with ADHD do in school all day for 12 years: they get in trouble for being disruptive, for daydreaming too much or for being lazy.
My teachers trained me to be afraid of looking “not busy”.
I’m not blaming them. I’m just having a moment of realization.
Also a moment of mild panic because I don’t know if I’m ever going to find a job that I love that also lets me “be” in a way that feels right, that doesn’t involve washing dishes, being a janitor, or preparing food…or making $9/hr.
I feel I’ve been coming to this crisis point/realization for a long time. I’ve been knowing I need to deal with it, indirectly, for years.
But now I really need to deal with it.
Fucking self-discovery, it’s painful. I think I’ll go stuff some envelopes while I think about what to do with myself, lol.