ADHD

…off the friggin’ wagon…

Damn, here we go again. I suddenly realized this morning that I was right back to where I’ve been so many times before.

Years of book-learnin’, lots of therapy, and a wee bit of medication still can’t save you from that occasional moment of ADHD WTF.

Yes, that’s right, ADHD WTF. Someone close to you, maybe even you, may be experiencing it right now, but don’t worry, there’s help!

Just kidding, there’s not…at least nothing permanent. But I guess that’s okay.

ADHD WTF: it’s that moment when you look around, and while you have no idea how it happened, it looks like your ADHD house of cards has collapsed, again, and you don’t know why. For me, it often looks like this…the garbage on the right hand passenger floor of my car is about two feet high and I have no idea what’s in the pile. The back seat and trunk are filled with the remnants of the last project I forgot to unload. There’s a bag of dog treats and some used tissues on the dashboard. In the house, I’m about 6 LARGE loads of laundry behind and the baskets are overflowing onto the floor. I just noticed about 4 piles of unidentified slips of paper of varying colors that must have come out of my purse. Speaking of my purse, I’ve switched purses because a couple of days ago I realized that one was too messy and I couldn’t deal, so…on to the green purse. I feel like I keep cleaning but the house looks like a tornado hit (the children and animals do NOT help alleviate this sensation). There’s a sleeping bag in the middle of the floor of the bedroom and I’ve stepped over it several times now. The sewing and music room exploded somehow…then Sonny cleaned it just enough to fit two racks of laundry in there because duh, I am 6 loads behind and the kids needed school clothes. Laundry surrounded by shrapnel.

In the middle of all of this, everyone’s fed, clean and basically sane…but this fraying…this fraying must be stopped. The thought of taking action, however, feels overwhelming this week. I’ll figure it out. We’ll figure it out. We always do, because you see, and this is my point…I’ll do this every so often for the rest of my life, and so will Sonny. Sometimes we’ll do it at the same time, and sometimes (when the almighty powers are feelings merciful) we will stagger it and do it separately.

Today, this realization, which I’ve probably had before and have maybe even written about before…it really asskicked me. I will move on and move forward…but I think if we forget to allow ourselves a moment of mourning, when it seems due, the baggage just piles up. Better to feel it now, than let it own me later…I tend to be able to pick up the pieces and move forward more effectively if I just give myself a moment, maybe an evening of “dammit”. And maybe a beer.

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6 thoughts on “…off the friggin’ wagon…

  1. "Damn, here we go again. I suddenly realized this morning that I was right back to where I've been so many times before." Some frackin' gift…eh? But…you're young and energetic and ya got a lot of fight in ya so you'll figure a way out of this. There are a ton of books dealing with the important, yet mundane, aspects of daily life for an ADHDer. It is interesting, though, how it happens without you really being aware of it. Remember (to quote the blogger extraordinaire…Jeff Siegel), "ADHD is a moving target. You can, and will, get closer and closer to 'controlling' it but, it’s a sly son-of-a-gun and will always outwit you. This is the nature of the beast." (http://jeffsaddmind.com/advice-for-the-adult-adhd-newbie-3170.htm)Best to you, Sonny and the kids!

  2. lol…have you been to my house? It's truly less daunting to know that other people are going through the same thing. I am so familiar with the piles and one of my greatest feelings of accomplishment comes when ALL the laundry is done…for five minutes anyway…

  3. That's the part that just baffles me…the fact that it suddenly appears out of nowhere. Feels like one minute everything was cool and the next minute "holy shit where'd those piles come from!". I can take my medication at the same time every day for a few weeks and then suddenly realize that I've forgotten it, and then…suddenly I just can't remember to do it anymore without great effort for another week or so until I finally get a routine re-established.Geez!

  4. It is "The Creep"…The stuff like the piles of papers and such just creep and expand….Gotta be proactive or at least try…Like mowing the lawn when it needs it not at a set date/time….Reinvent a bit your approach.

  5. Of course you're correct…part of my frustration right now of course, is that I DO try to be proactive…but nobody's 100%…gah…oh well. I have easy ADHD friendly systems for all of the important things in my life. These past couple weeks have just been one big system fail 🙂

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