Health means having all kinds of realizations that require more work…and I’m all for more work…but what’s worse is the emotional journeys required. Some days I’m up for it…some days I’m not. Some days I’ve just had a “realization” and it puts me into a space where I cannot tolerate that which “was”. And yet in some areas of my life, that which “was” is ever present in, ahem, the present.
It’s pure hell until you get to the place where you can have a new kind of relationship with the elements you are battling/choosing/avoiding.
There are things that were easier to deal with, when I was less healthy. Easier to tolerate.
I feel better. I have less anxiety. I have more tolerance for my own quirks.
But healthy, frequently, is not easy. Some elements get easier…but will forever be a test of my will.
Sigh. This is not a complaint. I do not need a time machine that runs backward. I’m just saying that sometimes choosing health is really much harder than choosing it’s opposite, and it seems wrong that it should be so.