I feel that as I reinforce certain new behaviors through repetition, that I AM able to replicate them more frequently. I know this shouldn’t seem revolution, but duh, I have ADHD. I know there are certain kinds of things I will always have to revisit (I still hate pumping a full tank of gas at once because I hate standing there and waiting for it…haha) but I feel that more and more, even though I have the same thought processes in my head, I can often have the thought…and then choose a different action.
I know that the thought process will probably never go away…my hand will still go to just dump my debit card in my bag when I’m done with it instead of putting it in my wallet…but now my brain goes “Oh wait. Wait. Just put it in the wallet.” and my hand still moves to the bag, but I pull it back…and then it goes again…and I pull it back again. Sometimes it will happen 3-4 times…and I laugh and get the wallet as I mechanically remind myself that putting the card away in the wallet is a better idea. This seems like it’s not very efficient but I assure you that it’s far more efficient than having a fit about not being able to find the card later…or not having it handy when I need it because I didn’t put it away.
That I can have this conversation in my head at all, about actions that used to be absolutely not natural for me, is an improvement and a victory. But it’s still funny…and it’s still mechanical. I do like seeing that kind of progress though. Sometimes I still blow off the little stuff…sometimes I have a day where I’m just rollin’ in the ADHD flow…but more often, I am at least aware that I’m blowing something off.
And I can see this improvement even when I don’t take medication, but I DO really like that my brain is calmer and I don’t have to work as hard at these little things when I do take it. This must be different for everyone, as we all have different levels of impairment…but for me it’s certainly true. The medication has made it easier for me to see what “normal” is like actually, so that it IS easier for me to see what needs to be done when I’m not taking it. It’s all one big “OHHHH” experience.
This sounds like I’m saying that medication is curing me somehow…it’s not, it’s just given me insight that is helpful is making improvements to how I “do” my life all the time.
And…now it’s almost 1AM and this ADHD train needs to pull into the station for a nap…