I literally cannot achieve my pre-treatment levels of mania-like operation. Just can’t do it.
And I have so much to do.
It’s also true that because of my innate anxieties, that my perception of disaster is usually a little skewed…I worry about things more than I need to. But I think what I’m seeing right now is that I’ve reached a level of awareness, and due to the amount of work I need to address right now, the timing is just really bad.
To get done everything I need to do right now (even after actively delegating) I need to simply not eat and not sleep and not take breaks. I used to do this all this time. I can’t seem to do it anymore. I don’t want to do what I’m being asked to do if what I’m asking myself to do is destructive on a survival level.
Plus…I tried and it didn’t work, lol…I don’t seem to be able to function on no sleep or no eat anymore…which, in its own way, feels like failure. It really does. I always had that to fall back on and I can’t this time.
I need to take a hard look at new solutions, and ask for help…waiting for a note back from my grad school advisor, hoping she has some suggestions.