Any ADHDer reading this can confirm that trying to undertake ANY task that your mind is simply DONE with it is, pure and simple, HELL ON EARTH. It’s “senioritis” times 850, 000.
In addition, I’m a little behind right now because I’m catching up from last semester. That’s not making this particular hell any more compelling, it’s just making me anxious.
And to top it all off and make this scenario all the more delightfully perfect: after tinkering around with meds to temper my anxiety and ADHD, and a year of awesome work with my fantastic therapist, I find myself in a pickle. On the one hand treatment has been super effective at breaking my habit of overcommitting and overworking by making me see . Don’t get me wrong…I still work like a freaking robot and get probably a little too much done…but compared to my former schedule, which was, I now realize, INSANE, which is why I had to seek treatment in the first place, I’m in tamesville.
I’m not only in tamesville, I’m in “I can’t work like a superhuman anymore because I’m only human”-ville. Now that I have seen the other side and seen that my world won’t come crashing down…I’m still motivated but I don’t seem to be able to work 15 hours a day, seven days a week anymore. And umm…if I could really just pull that off for the next couple of weeks that would really get this whole finishing crap I don’t want to thing taken care of pretty quickly!
Typing this and re-reading it…I realize I’ve been struggling with this for weeks (which is why I’m behind right now) and…it’s kind of painful to have to admit. But…maybe writing about it will flush a little of this crap out of my system so I can just get back to work. Nothing like exposing a pile of bullshit for what it is, and having to smell it full-on, to compell action….
I’m going to have to make this confession to my therapist too, tomorrow, when I see her…because a little extra asskicking right now will only hurt in the good way….