They like to see a successful, creative adult…with ADHD…standing in front of them.
It makes me realize how much some of them worry, because they often look stunned.
Makes me realize how much some of them really worry that their children will never be able to make something of their lives.
ADHD affects different people differently…but you know, however it affects YOU, you still have choices. We all have choices. Some of the choices we have to make as ADHDers are a little different from the choices that normy brains might have to make…but that’s life. ADHD is just one challenge that can be thrown your way in the genetic lottery. Whatever your challenges, it’s up to you to decide what to do with your strengths.
It’s like I said to a dear friend the other day…at some point, whatever the hell is bugging you, you may as well choose to live. And choosing to “live” and embrace life with ADHD is a pretty amazing adventure. Like any good adventure it will involved a few asskickings, either from others, or from yourself (get automatic shut off irons!)…but the unpredictable mayhem cam sometimes be really fun.
Something that really helped me as a young adult, was to look at my life and think “look at all of this chaos in my life…what parts do I have control over? and what does that mean?”. I also decided that I needed to start really addressing the sloppier parts of my life that were affecting other people (leaving in the middle of other people special events and occasions, showing up late all the time…etc…). Working on those goals, even though I had not been diagnosed at that point, really helped me to start directing my life in a new way.
You know what else parents? You may have kids with ADHD and they may not “succeed” as perfectly as you might envision…but even kids without ADHD blow their choices. That’s not a strictly ADHD-induced phenomenon. Like any kids, if you teach kids with ADHD to make the best possible choices they can…with practice, they’ll learn. They might need a little extra practice but who cares…not everyone is perfect at everything the first time.
I still clean my room the same way my mother taught me to when I was 8. I sort things into piles according to what they are. It can be whatever you want…ponies in one pile, pjs in another…it makes cleaning interesting and it gets the job done. I then have baskets and drawers (clear plastic ones so I can remember what’s in them) and can dump stuff in there. I don’t fold laundry, but I do put it away. My point…any kids, including ADHD kids can learn skills that will help them later on.
Don’t worry about perfect…don’t think about failure. Just keep plugging away and being solution oriented with your kids…not deficit oriented. That word is so freaking pointless. Choose solutions…choose life…choose to give them the skills that will help them make better choices later.
Lots of wicked smaht people out there with ADHD…doing life every day…finding unique solutions…like me!