See, I want to have a birthday party. But we know that his parents are coming from out of town in one of the nearing weekends, but we can’t remember which one. Well, I must have this information before I can pick a date for my birthday party so I asked him if he would call his parents and ask them…yes I can call them, but it’s generally the case that if his parents are to be called, he’s the one that calls.
I sat down to put together my list of people to invite for the party…but I can’t stop thinking about how I don’t know when his parents are coming…because I know I will forget if I don’t write it down…by asking him to do it I should be able to clear it from my mind because I’ve delegated the task…except he’s sitting in the other room checking baseball scores instead of dialing the phone…and I’m not trying to drive him insane, but I ask him about it again…and then about a minute later because I can’t stop thinking about it and it’s making me REALLY anxious because I know I’m going to forget I ask him again…and then about a minute later again…
Yes, there are obvious logical solutions to this dilemma…but not until after I ask for the millionth time and he goes “OKAY!!!!!!!!”. The pitbull’s teeth have finally sunk into his ankle.
But um…I’m still waiting now, and he still hasn’t done it…and I either need to write it down, or dial the phone myself because…okay I’m going to ask him again because I can’t stop thinking about it because it’s worrying me…and so I apologize for bugging him and ask him if he wants me to just do it…then that makes him grumpy, because I’ve already pestered him 800 times now, and he thinks I’m doing this as a guilt trip even though I’m not, I’m just trying to be proactive…
OKAY!!!! Geez, okay, he’s dialing the phone now.
I know how my brain works and I know I have to be proactive about taking care of business in the ways I know that I can. I’m sure all couples have moments like this actually, and it’s not that it’s strictly an ADHD scenario…ADHD just amplifies the urgency of seemingly unimportant things sometimes because like I said…I know I’m very forgetful, so I know I have to DO SOMETHING to make sure that the “thing” gets taken care of. And until I DO THAT SOMETHING it causes me great worry, because I fear dropping the ball. When you’ve dropped the ball so many times, and have learned to work so hard not to…it is a perfect recipe for anxiety.
Anyway…he’s talking to his dad now, and the answer is nigh…so I can let it go, I am relieved…and he doesn’t seem too annoyed anymore, lol, this is the only reason this relationship works, his ability to forgive my insistence (and my ability to forgive his baseball obsession) and in a minute I can send out my party invites.
It’s a rather effective coping mechanism…not the driving him insane part. Awareness of my forgetfulness, and taking responsibility for it makes me very driven and at times makes me very productive. Letting that kind of insistence or fear drive your actions can be intense though…my core burns hot…but my persistence is part of what makes me effective.