Okay, so here’s the deal. I don’t feel as horrible as I did yesterday, but I still don’t feel great. Unfortunately that means that my 10 days of eating terribly, if at all, continues. I have to work to keep my blood sugar on an even keel (I dip into low-blood sugar territory way too easily) so that THAT doesn’t affect my mood…but realistically, I can’t expect myself to cook either. I also can’t just make myself eat food that makes my stomach turn (and right now, that’s almost everything). If my blood sugar gets all messed up, it always makes me feel worse. I feel that I can’t consciously allow this to happen, when I am really working to keep rolling in a positive direction.
I went and bought myself some prepared foods, hence zero cooking, and I’m just going to warn any vegan readers right now, you probably don’t want to read the rest of this post. When survival mode hits, my compassion for living creatures apparently goes right out the window. In the absence of appetite, I really had to tempt myself with dark (and gluten free, of course) delights.
Tonights menu: Thin-sliced calabrese salami, prosciutto, and capacola, with a side of marinated whole artichoke hearts and thick, restaurant style tortilla chips. On a plate. With a tiny glass of wine. I know the wine is a central nervous system depressant but don’t worry, I only have about 3 oz left from the other night. It’s just that vinho verde is really delightful stuff and it gives me hope for summery weather. My husband doesn’t eat or drink any of this stuff so it’s all mine. ALL MINE!
You know when the lovely Italian meats are so lovely and fatty that they almost (almost) want to liquefy at room temperature? That’s what I’m talking about here. I shared some nibbles with the dogs and they nearly did cartwheels.
This feels comforting and reassuring. The only thing that could really improve on this whole little scene on my plate would be some awesome french bread – but alas, there isn’t really a suitable gluten-free replacement for that yet.
I have plans for tomorrow, computer work that I need to do, so I’m hitting the road with my husband for a few hours to the recording studio – I’ll telecommute while he works, there’s a nice lounge area there, and nice people who I feel good around. I love hitting the road with him, so that’s another favorite thing to look forward to.
I’ve got your number, depression. You can’t tell me what to do.